


✰ Danger ✰

by ugh_cypher



Category: BTSxGot7 - Fandom, GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M, M/M, Power Dynamics, Pseudo-Incest, Step-siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-01 05:57:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21407263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ugh_cypher/pseuds/ugh_cypher
Summary: [Namson au] where rapper Jackson can't keep his distance from his to-be stepbrother Namjoon. Chaos ensues when their parents break off the upcoming nuptials.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Yugyeom, Kim Namjoon | RM/Jackson Wang
Comments: 24
Kudos: 88





	1. Annoyance.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings are mentioned for a reason. I'll add more tw as I progress. Please read with caution. This is a work of FICTION and none of what I write is true! There will be a lot of NSFW things and I'll add them before the start of the chapter. No additional warnings will be given during the chapter.

Annoyance.

Annoyance was all that Jackson felt. Annoyance at his father. He was always being dragged everywhere with him.

Not having a say in his decisions was a different kind of annoyance. 

That's how things always went. His mother died when he was 9. His father couldn't deal with the pain and moved to Bangkok from Hong Kong. There he fell in love with his colleague who didn't reciprocate his feelings and left him heartbroken. He fled to Taiwan and dragged his son who was 13. Taiwan was different, Jackson felt. He made a friend there, Mark. He was happy there. Alas, it didn't last long. His father's girlfriend left him for a younger man and off they were to Seoul. Jackson hated moving so often. He could barely get an ounce of happiness before it would be taken away from him.

Seoul was beautiful but Jackson was 15 and it was difficult to make friends. His extrovert nature was easy to get attracted to, but kids at 15 were meaner than kids at 13. He wasn't in Taiwan anymore and he missed Mark. He still managed to be buddies with Jinyong. He wasn't Mark, but he was nice.

His father made him move a lot but he loved him more than anything. He gave Jackson what he wanted and adored him, being the only constant thing amongst the myriad of heartbreaks. No matter how annoyed Jackson was at the instability in his life, he loved his father more than he loved anyone. At 15, he finally decided to come out to his father and as his father hugged him, Jackson knew that he had a gem of a dad.

The two years Jackson spent in Seoul were comforting, all thanks to Jinyoung. The lack of friends made him want to write more and he picked up rapping. Jinyoung introduced him to a few friends and soon enough he was a part of an underground rap group, Danger. The name amused Jackson but he went with it. It sounded rough, just the way he rapped. He drowned himself in that world and only came out to study and keep his grades up. That was the deal he had with his father. Keep the grades above average and he could do what he wanted.

Being bisexual, Jackson had the time of his life in Seoul. The random hookups he got because of his passion for rapping were the best perks he could've hoped for.

One night he was standing amongst the crowd with one of his teammates, Yugyeom. He was 14. Jackson was making out with Mark when he 14, not getting out of his house and following his passion. 

Yugyeom had invited his boyfriend, Jungkook, to watch him perform. Jackson had seen Jungkook once before that. He looked scared, like a child lost in a supermarket. In all sincerity, he was a child. 14 was an age where kids wanted to play videogames and hang out at the mall, not stand in a stuffy basement and watch angry men scream verses at each other. He looked comfortable when Yugyeom was around and that made Jackson smile. He walked towards the two boys and gave Yugyeom a side hug.

"Hey, Jungkook." He offered him a smile. The boy bowed down and Jackson sighed.

"Hey, we don't do that here. Here we all respect each other and nobody's young or old. You're one of us." 

The boy smiled politely and Jackson's heart warmed up. They made small talk as Jungkook mentioned that his cousin had arrived at the venue and he left to meet him at the main gate to show him the way.

"Your boy is cute." Jackson elbowed Yugyeom in the ribs and the younger yelped. 

They were supposed to perform last and the third to last act was performing against a new team. Jackson paid attention to the way they dissed each other and picked up a few rhymes. He had been doing this for almost 2 years yet he always tried to learn watching others.

"Jackson, JB is calling you. He wants you to go solo tonight." Jinyoung punched him lightly on the shoulder.

Jackson's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He had been in Seoul for 2 years. He could speak Korean to save his life but not enough to freestyle rap alone. He brushed past Jinyoung and went near the corner where the rest generally hung out. JB was their leader though he hated it when they called him that. Yugyeom filled the forms the first time and he was shouted at by JB for writing slowly so he just wrote his name as the leader and got his ass beaten later on.

JB sat on one of the sofas, his head thrown back, eyes closed.

"I thought none of us do drugs. What did you take to make such a stupid decision?"

He didn't open his eyes. He knew it was Jackson.

"Trusting in your ability is taking drugs? You're turning 18 next month. You're not a kid. Go and perform." JB's words were always harsh but everybody knew that was his weird way of expressing his confidence in them.

"I'm not fluent in Korean yet, JB. What if I can't rhyme my raps?"

JB straightened up to look at him finally and he looked as bored as he always did. His offstage persona was as excited as a stick of celery.

"So? Rap in English. Rap in Cantonese. Nobody cares as long as you have the attitude. I'm not going to kiss your ass here and tell you what amazing talent you have. Go out there and give it a shot. If you always perform with us, you won't get a chance to go solo and see where you stand. Nobody's going to kill you if you tank in front of the other guy."

Jackson nodded. Maybe getting his ass handed to him on a plate was what he expected but at least he would give it a shot.

JB leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Tell that brat Yugyeom to be with his boyfriend. That kid was scared shitless last time and I don't want to babysit anybody."

Jackson wiped his forehead with the back of his palm and huffed. He was nervous.

"He invited his cousin over and Yugyeom is with him." His mind wasn't in it. "I'm just gonna go out. I hope I can calm myself." He walked out of the door, barely hearing a "Break a leg!" from JB.

Jackson didn't understand what happened. Things were going well. He was in the flow, throwing verses. He followed JB's advice and rapped some parts in English. His opponent was thrown off and Jackson took it to his advantage. He knew his time was about to end and he had crushed the guy. The crowd was going mad and he was feeding off the energy. That's where things went wrong. He looked towards the crowd and Yugyeom's familiar face popped up quickly. His smiling face hyped up Jackson and he should've stopped there.

But he didn't.

He looked at Jungkook standing next to him and winked. Stopping there would've been fine too.

But he didn't.

He looked at the man standing next to him. Bangs from his brown hair falling on his face, the sharp bridge of his nose, his chiseled jaw, his eyes were small, too small but they were wide open as he excitedly looked at him, thick lips forming an O and what wouldn't Jackson do to leave the stage and crash those plump lips against his own?

He lost focus and didn't hear a thing from the other man. He had to do something. He had to make up a verse but he didn't have any material. He read the other man's face, he didn't look confident enough and Jackson smirked and lifted a brow. The man was caught off guard as he fumbled and Jackson took that chance and started his verse. He knew he was off by a margin and he was not replying to anything that the rapper had said in his verse, but he went with it and the timer mercifully blew, the crowd screaming Jackson's name.

He didn't care. 

He jumped off the stage and walked towards the man, unable to keep his eyes off him. He was different. He looked different, so different from the same Korean men and women he had been with. The craze of plastic surgery left them all looking like clones. The man he was walking towards had golden skin, and he shimmered in the dim lights of the basement, the only star in a sea of the night sky. As he got closer, he realized that the man was tall. Much taller than Jackson and this was going to be fun.

"That was amazing, Hyung!" Yugyeom cheered as Jungkook clapped. The man was quiet. He just politely smiled as Jackson held out his hand, "Jackson."

His smile grew wider and Jackson wanted to push him into a corner and just have his way with him already.

"Namjoon." 

Fuck. Such a husky voice on an angelic face. The universe was cruel.

It was Jungkook who spoke. "He's my cousin. He's from Ilsan, staying at our place for a few days." Jackson nodded but his eyes didn't leave Namjoon's, neither did he let go of his hand.

"May I buy you a drink, Namjoon?" Jackson had always been straight forward. He could see Namjoon was surprised by his direct question but he didn't deny him. He just smiled again and nodded and Jackson knew he was in for a fun night.

"Come home with me," Jackson whispered against Namjoon's lips. Namjoon moaned as his shaking arms gripped Jackson's hair tugging at the strands. Jackson feverishly kissed him, trying to get as much of those beautiful lips as he could. He tasted like coffee and Jackson needed his fix. He firmly held Namjoon at his waist, fingers digging into the supple skin. Their lips slotted together, Jackson's tongue deep in the man's mouth.

Jackson couldn't recall much of the past half an hour. He bought Namjoon a drink, they started talking. Namjoon was very shy and nervous but Jackson eased him in. After 3 drinks, however, he could stop himself as he stood too close to Namjoon and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Namjoon shivered and Jackson dragged him to the closest bathroom stall, not waiting for the door to close before he attacked Namjoon's plump lips.

"Come on babe. Let me take you home." Jackson murmured when Namjoon didn't respond.

Namjoon broke the kiss as he nervously looked at Jackson's lips.

"I can't. I just moved here and things with my mom have been...." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't have to. Jackson could see he didn't want to go and he didn't want to force him. He let him go as he moved out of his personal space.

"It's cool. No problem." He said and Namjoon smiled. Jackson's heart did a thing.

Namjoon left with Jungkook and Jackson went home with blue balls.

He tiptoed around the living room, afraid of waking up his father. As soon as he entered the hallway to his room, he heard his father call out from his bedroom.

"Jackson, will you please come here for a second?" They had spent many years in other countries and both spoke different languages. They choose to converse in Cantonese but whenever his father spoke in Mandarin, Jackson knew it was something serious. His mother used to speak in Mandarin.

Jackson walked inside his father's bedroom. It was simple and Jackson rarely walked inside. "Yes, dad?" His father was sitting on the bed in his pyjamas. The bedroom seemed different, somehow it was empty.

"Can we talk for a while?" Still in Mandarin. His father tapped on the bed, gesturing him to sit next to him. Jackson had finished his 10th grade and he was amongst the top 5, more than what his father had asked for. So he knew it wasn't about his academics.

"Yeah. Sure." He walked towards the bed and sat at the foot of the bed.

He looked tired but happy.

"Son, unlike you, I'm not good with words. I don't know how to sugar coat things. So I'm just going to say this. I've been a shit parent to you. I've always made you move with me. Somehow, I always tried to find someone who would take your mother's place. I realized this much later, nobody could take her place. She will always be the mother of the most important thing in my life." They didn't face each other during such conversations, never did. Their bodies created an L shape with Jackson sitting at the foot of the bed and his father on the edge, their shoulders touching.

"That's why I took 6 months to finally tell you this. Because I thought a lot in these 6 months. I stayed single for one and a half years because I didn't want to make you go through it all over again. But I have faith in myself this time. I know what I feel is real." He took a deep breath before he spoke. "I've fallen in love, Jackson. I've been seeing this woman for 6 months and last week I asked her to marry me. She is going to move in with us tomorrow."

Jackson stood up in a flash. That was too much information to process. His father stood up, albeit slower. "Before you react, please let me talk. She is lovely, Jackson. You'll like her. I have never introduced any other woman to you. She is different. She is kind and wonderful. She makes me happy."

Jackson let out a sigh. He felt too many emotions at the same time. None of them hit him as hard as the love for his father did.

**She made him happy**. That was all that mattered.

Jackson's voice was low when he spoke, "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Don't I at least get to know who my father is planning on marrying?"

His father held his shoulders with both hands, facing him for the first time. "I didn't want to tell you till I was very sure. The reason she is moving in is also so that you get to know her well before we get married."

He thought of Jackson. Even when he was falling in love with someone, he thought of his son. Jackson sighed again.

"Fine." Jackson let go. "If it's your decision, I agree with it. Is there anything else?"

His father looked at the floor, scratching the skin near his eyebrow with his index finger. "She has a son. He will be moving here as well. I've met him. He's a lovely boy, the same age as you."

"Thanks for the step-brother dad." Jackson's bitterness made his father flinch.

"Please son. Try to understand. We have an extra bedroom next to yours. He is very sweet and kind. He won't bother you. Do it for me, please."

_Do it for me._

There was no other option than to sigh.

"Fine. I'll be fine. Just give me some time, okay?"

"Okay. I will. Thank you for understanding. You're my pride."

Jackson felt his chest squeeze itself.

"Yeah." He murmured and went back to his room.

As he lay on his bed that night, he felt a familiar feeling. The cycle was repeating, only this time instead of running somewhere to escape the problem, his father was welcoming the problem home.

Jackson wanted his father to be happy, yet all he could feel was annoyance.


	2. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is trying to deal with the situation and Namjoon helps him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cursing. Blow jobs, dry humping, deep throating. Minors stay away, please.

Jackson didn't sleep well. He kept on thinking about how much his life had changed in those 24 hours. All he thought about was how he was supposed to adjust to the new surroundings. He thought back to the day before, how he was goofing around in school with Jinyoung, spending time in the basement with Yugyeom and the gang, performing solo for the first time, and then kissing heaven later in the night.

Namjoon.

He wanted to be with Namjoon, wanted to kiss those sweet lips again, wanted to taste that golden skin, wanted to see him break apart beneath him.

Life wasn't that easy, though and he had to clean up his bathroom for his to-be stepbrother. They would have to share a bathroom. It had two doors. One opened in his bedroom and other in his to-be stepbrothers. His lack of sleep at least let him clean up a bit.

Jackson didn't bother asking his father about their names or who they were. He didn't speak to his father at all. As soon as it was a little bright outside, he took his clothes and went to the park for a run. He loved running, the endorphins gave him a high that made him forget everything else for a while. He took a bath at Jinyoung's house and went to school with him.

He was in school when he received a text from his father telling him that his fiancé and her son had moved in and Jackson was supposed to go home directly after school. Jackson let out a loud groan and Jinyoung gave him a questioning look. Jackson just shook his head. What was he supposed to tell others when he was confused about the whole ordeal? He spent the rest of the day thinking about it. 

On one side, his father had made him move a lot. He always got his heartbroken. This time, it would be massive if they were to break up. His father would make him move to a whole new place and Jackson didn't want to leave Seoul. He had finally found his passion. He would turn 18 in a month, according to Korean age and then he would be free to go and settle wherever he wanted. His father would support him even though his visa was based on his father's employment. He could live in Seoul. 

But on the other side, he knew he wouldn't do that. He wanted to live with his father. At least till he would graduate high school. He planned on skipping college or attending online college. He had 2 offers from small labels and he was considering signing a contract with one of them. They had planned on starting a hip hop rap group and Jackson was interested. Yugyeom was too young but even he was approached by them. Jinyoung wasn't interested in pursuing rapping as a career, he was more of a dancer and he wanted to attend college like a regular student. JB had told the scouting agents to fuck off before they could finish their first sentence. He wasn't interested in making money. He rapped cause he loved it but he loved his low profile more than that.

There was also a possibility that they would last. In that case, he would get a new mom. He would never get a mother, he had one and he loved her. Nobody would replace her. But he could have a mom, a motherly figure. They were just close to the bus stop after school when Jinyoung asks him, "You want to come to The Basement tonight? We don't have any performance lined up but we could just watch? Yougyeom said he would be there with his boyfriend."

Namjoon could be there too.

"Maybe his cousin would be there and we know how much you liked that guy." Jinyoung teases. Jackson feels his cheeks heat up. He brushes it off and says, "Can't. Have to go home. I'm helping dad with something." Helping him welcome the new woman and her son.

"Suit yourself," Jinyoung says as he gets on his bus and Jackson decides to walk home. It would be better if he were to reach home later. As he approaches his apartment building, he starts to feel the severity of the situation. It was not just a normal day. He was on his way to meet his father's fiancé and her stupid son. Jackson doesn't know whether her son is stupid or not but he already isn't keen on meeting him. As the elevator door opens, he sees what he never, in his wildest dreams, expected to see.

It is Namjoon standing in front of him, in all his beauty. The bright lights of the elevator seem to make him shine even more. Namjoon's eyes are on him as he stands frozen. Jackson isn't sure that he is even actually there. He feels as if his mind is screwed up and creating illusions of this beautiful creature. 

"J-Jackson?" He stutters and the illusion is broken because he is there. With the number of fucked-up things happening around him, Jackson just wants to release his frustration somewhere and it looks like Namjoon would let him do whatever he wants to do. That is how Namjoon was last night. Shy, submissive. So, he holds him at his wrist and drags him outside the elevator like a raggedy ann doll. 

And Namjoon lets him.

There was a staircase, a few feet away from the elevator and nobody ever went there. Almost all of the rich people living in the lavish building went to the gym but no one ever bothered to take the stairs. As soon as they reach the area of the stairwell that is a blindspot for the security camera, Jackson has Namjoon pinned to the wall as he breathes him in, hands gripping his waist, nose buried in the crook of the tall man's neck. Namjoon's hands are wrapped around Jackson's torso, stroking his back as his head is thrown back.

"May I?" Jackson would get on his knees and beg if he had to. Namjoon doesn't let him beg though. He gives in. 

"I need this more than you do." Namjoon whispers. He doesn't know how much mess Jackson is into. He doesn't need to know. Jackson just wants to use him to forget his life for a while and it seems like that's what Namjoon needs as well. Jackson cups his face with both hands as he crashes his lips against Namjoon's, drinking him in. Namjoon whimpers, his hands greedily pulling Jackson closer even though their bodies are already too close. Jackson kisses him deeper, his tongue swirling at the roof of Namjoon's mouth, biting his plump lower lip, dragging beautiful moans from his mouth. Namjoon is pliant under his touch, letting Jackson do whatever he wants.

And Jackson takes complete advantage of that as he grinds his hips against Namjoon's, both of them are painfully hard.

"Fuck. I want you so badly." Jackson growls into Namjoon's mouth, hips rocking into him as he dry humps the tall man's leg like an animal.

"Take me. Do whatever you want. Just make me forget." Namjoon whispers against Jackson's lips. Jackson tilts his head to graze his teeth over Namjoon's neck. He doesn't mark him. He barely knows the man but he doesn't want his beautiful skin marked, on display for everyone like that. He is a private person and he would save it for another time.

He is already thinking of another time.

Jackson's hips don't stop grinding and he can feel himself getting close. He doesn't want to come yet, but he wants to make sure Namjoon does. He tears his mouth away from Namjoon's neck.

"Let me touch you. I want to suck you off." Jackson doesn't even try to hide the desperation in his voice as he feels Namjoon nod, his mouth too busy moving according to the command of Jackson's lips.

"Yes, yes. Please."

Namjoon is such a good boy. Agreeing to anything that Jackson says.

As Jackson pulls back, he sees how beautifully Namjoon's lips are swollen and smiles, touching his lips. His touch is tender and Namjoon mirrors his action, touching Jackson's lips and _oh_, his touch is so soft. In the heated makeout session, they somehow find a moment to touch each other so lovingly. And then the moment is gone.

Jackson drops down to his knees pawing at Namjoon's erection. His mouth kissing his dick through his sweat pants. Soft moans leave Namjoon's mouth as his hands grip Jackson's shoulder. Despite what Jackson is doing to him, Namjoon's touch is soft. So soft. 

Jackson looks up at him one last time, asking for silent permission that he immediately gets when Namjoon holds his hand and lays on top of his bulge. He pulls Namjoon's sweat pants down till his ankles and his dick springs free hitting Jackson's lip. Jackson marvels at how big Namjoon is but not surprised since he had already felt him through his pants. 

"Yum," Jackson says absentmindedly and Namjoon blushes, one hand leaving Jackson's shoulder to hide his face. Jackson lets him do it as he licks a strip along Namjoon's length swirling his tongue as he reaches the tip. He repeats this action until the entirety of Namjoon's length is wet.

"Please Please Jackson." Namjoon is repeating like a mantra and Jackson takes his tip in his mouth sucking hungrily. A soft moan leaves Namjoon's lips and he throws his head back, his back arching, the movement making his hips thrust into Jackson's mouth.

Jackson pulls back. "Careful, baby," He warns and Namjoon mutters an apology.

It is all too much and the stairwell is too hot but they don't care. They both want a break from their lives and they find that in each other. Namjoon is huge but Jackson has experience as he hastily swallows his dick. It hits his throat and tears prick Jackson's eyes. He loves it when that happens. He looks up at Namjoon with blurry vision but it's as if Namjoon is not there. He is lost in pleasure, his head thrown back, his Adam's apple throbbing as his body is shivering. Jackson bobs his head along Namjoon's length, cupping his balls and squeezing them lightly and Namjoon lets out a chain of incoherent curses.

Jackson pulls back and says, "Fuck my throat." His voice is hoarse. Another thing he loves, how his throat opens up for dick and changes his voice. Namjoon's hands are shaking at this point as he shyly holds Jackson's head and slowly pushes himself into his mouth. Aah Jackson's mouth is full. He takes Namjoon's hand and places it at his throat. He knows Namjoon can feel himself there and as he moves back and forth, Namjoon can feel his dick move along in his throat.

"Fuck." Namjoon exhales, unable to hold back now. He moves his hips, one hand cupping Jackson's jaw, the other at his throat and fucks into him low enough for it to be safe but fast enough to get him there. Jackson loves getting his mouth fucked. He enjoys the way Namjoon's dick fills up his mouth, saliva slowly dripping from the side.

"Jacks-Jackson. I'm close." Namjoon manages. Jackson hums and Namjoon goes rigid. He just stops moving and Jackson knows that vibration from his hum caused that. He does it again, he moans and Namjoon releases violently in his mouth and Jackson takes it all greedily. Namjoon is still shivering, barely coming down from his high when Jackson pulls back with pop and stands up, pulling Namjoon's pants back on his waist and crashes their lips again. Jackson is so hungry and desperate for his release that he doesn't let Namjoon react before he starts humping his leg again. Namjoon holds Jackson's ass with both hands and controls his rhythm but Jackson doesn't like being controlled. He holds his hands by the wrists and pins them above his head. 

He kisses Namjoon, eats him up like a greedy man and fucks his leg like a mad one. He's close, so fucking close. And then Namjoon surprises him by breaking free from the kiss, panting hard. His eyes are open wide and Jackson is taken back to the day before when he was performing and Namjoon stared at him like that. As if he was amazed.

"Let me. Please. Come in my mouth."

How could Jackson deny such a sweet request by the best boy? He nods and Namjoon is on his knees for him, mouth open, pink tongue peeking out. Jackson pulls his dick out, gives it a few pumps and there he is, coming on Namjoon's tongue, a few splatters landing on his eye. Namjoon's eyes are closed but he drags a thumb on the spot, wipes the cum and sucks on the thumb. Jackson's breathing is not back to normal and if he could, he would come again just by looking at Namjoon do that.

He pulls him back on his legs and kisses him one more time, tasting himself on Namjoon's tongue. Namjoon pulls at his waistband and tucks Jackson's dick back inside his pants.

"Fuck. Fuck that was so hot." Jackson murmurs against his lips. Namjoon hums in return, his palms on Jackson's chest, feeling his heartbeat. They stay like that for a while before pulling back. Namjoon sheepishly smiles at him and whispers a small thank you.

"I needed that."

"Me too." Jackson smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"We ordered take out but the delivery boy was going to take long so I was going to get the food. It's close by."

"Wait. You live here?" Jackson's eyes are about to pop out of their sockets. "I've lived here for 2 years and never seen you. But Jungkook told me yesterday that you were living with his family." His surprise is evident.

Namjoon averts his eyes as he looks at the door. 

"Can we not talk about it? It's kinda personal." 

Jackson is confused. That's okay, though. Since yesterday all that he has been, is confused.

"Got it." Jackson raises his hands in surrender, then removes his phone from his pocket. "You mind giving me your number?"

Namjoon smiles and nods, taking the phone from his hand and dialing with concentration. Jackson adores the tiny wrinkles that form at his forehead as he is typing.

"Here." Namjoon hands him his phone and Jackson drops a quick text. 

"I hope to see you soon, Namjoon," Jackson says as they walk outside the stairwell and part ways near the elevator where Namjoon waves at him and leaves the building.

Jackson can't stop thinking about the impromptu session he had with that beautiful man. Amongst the other chaos in his life, he had Namjoon. Sweet, compliant Namjoon. He could make Jackson forget about it even if it was for a short time. Jackson reaches his floor and walks towards his apartment. He is about to open the door when it flies open and a woman is standing, staring at him. 

She has a kind face. That is the first thing Jackson notices. It is one of those faces which always has a smile. She is wearing a simple pantsuit and has short hair. She is also wearing spectacles that suit her small face. She is very small, delicate and Jackson thinks anybody who has a height bigger than his own would easily crush her if they were to hug her too tightly.

"You must be Jackson. Sorry, I heard the elevator door and I thought it was my son."

And then she smiles and Jackson thinks about how much he has been liking people based on their smiles. Her smile was so similar to Namjoon.

"Hey," He murmurs, eyes drifting towards the floor. The woman shifts, giving Jackson space to walk in. Jackson knows he is acting like a complete asshole but the woman is being nothing but pleasant.

He sees his father standing at the other end of the hallway, eyes watching him cautiously. He walks towards them and stands next to the woman.

"Jackson, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Kim Soo-Hyun." His father announces proudly.

Jackson bows to her and manages to give a small smile. "Pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

Her smile really is beautiful, the kindest smile Jackson has ever seen. "The pleasure is all mine, Jackson. Please feel free to call me Ms. Kim or auntie, if you feel comfortable enough."

"Yeah, but she wouldn't be a miss for too long." His father jokes and Jackson's hands ball into a fist. She notices it quickly but doesn't comment. Her smile falters a bit and Jackson feels a small pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry I was not able to welcome you properly due to school. Is it okay if I freshen up and get back to you in a while?" Jackson's tone is polite and he tries to keep himself calm.

They both nod as she says, "Of course. Please join us for some snacks. We ordered some food and my son left to get it. He should've been back long ago but I think he must've gotten lost on the way. We just moved here so he's not really well versed with the roads." 

Went to get food. 

It sounds too similar. Why the fuck does it sound so damn familiar? Something is not clicking. He thinks so hard to connect the dots, to understand why the whole situation sounds so familiar. 

Jackson nods and starts walking towards his bedroom. 

"Honey, don't worry. He'll be fine. He's been here so many times during his vacation to spend time with your nephew. He knows Seoul. Also, Seoul isn't that different from Ilsan." 

Ilsan. Too familiar. Too too damn familiar. 

Jackson turns around. He has almost reached the hallway. A few steps and he'll be in his room. But he can't stop himself from overhearing their conversation.

"I guess you're right. Jungkook has shown him around a lot."

Jackson's ears are ringing. He feels ice-cold water being injected in his veins. His heart is pounding so loudly that he is afraid it'll beat out of his chest. He wants to move so desperately, wants to run away and just never come back. 

There is no knock at the door. No doorbell is rung. Nobody had closed it when Jackson had entered. But that doesn't mean he can't hear the elevator door ding and footsteps walking towards his house. 

Stop.

Run away. 

Fucking go. 

Don't come here. 

Don't ruin my life. 

He sees him. He doesn't want to, but he sees him. He wishes the earth below his feet would open up and swallow him whole. He doesn't want to be there. He doesn't want to see how he had managed to fuck his life more than he ever had. 

"Aah, Namjoonah. You finally came with the food."

"Sorry, mom. There was a big queue."

"Jackson, before you go to your room, please meet my son, Namjoon."

Namjoon's eyes snap towards the third person in the room. 

"Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like the second chapter?? Please leave some kudos and comments if you liked it. Thank you!


	3. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting it and dealing with it are two different things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that this took so long to update and is so short. I've been busy with a few projects on twitter and work is killing me, so I barely get time! 
> 
> Also, I'm @ugh_cypher on twitter so you can find me there!
> 
> No tws for this chapter, Enjoy!

"Kim Namjoon! Watch your language!" Ms. Kim whisper-shouts. Namjoon doesn't even blink. His gaze is stuck on Jackson. His mother clears her throat, laying an arm on his shoulder and that seems to get him back from whatever trance he was lost in. 

His eyes snap from Jackson to his mother's face.

"I'm sorry, mom." 

_I'm sorry for ruining your happiness. _Jackson hears what Namjoon doesn't say.

His head hangs low. Jackson can't watch more. He can't hear the shame that drips from Namjoon's voice. His head spins, his heart threatens to beat out of his chest. A drop of sweat runs from his head past his cheek and jaw.

Ms. Kim wraps an arm around Namjoon's waist, pulling him closer. He leans towards her, probably out of habit, so that she could run her fingers through his hair. Jackson looks at his father who is watching them, his leg almost turning in their direction, wanting to comfort Namjoon.

Or maybe to comfort his fiance. 

"Are you okay baby?"

Jackson freezes. 

What if he tells her? What if they managed to throw away everything in half an hour, that their parents managed to build in the past 6 months?

_She is kind and wonderful. She makes me happy. _

"I forgot to get the soy sauce." Namjoon whispers. Head still hung low.

That amuses their parents. They look at each other, eyes disappearing into crescents and laugh loudly. Their faces are so happy that ruining it makes Jackson sick. His father walks towards the embracing duo. They look like such a good family.

Without Jackson. 

They wouldn't miss Jackson if he leaves. It looks as if Jackson was never his father's son.

"You're such a sweet boy." Namjoon's mother coos, hugging her son.

Jackson's father lays a hand on the small of her back, just being there. Just showing his presence. Just being a good significant other.

Jackson's stomach twists. He can still taste Namjoon's cum on his tongue.

Jackson turns around and stalks back into his room, letting the small family have their moment. He doesn't expect them to call him to have snacks.

They don't.

It isn't until later in the evening when Jackson hears a knock at the door. He wants to throw a pillow at it but he knows that kind of rash behavior won't be appreciated, neither is it acceptable. 

He sighs and walks to the door, peaking out of it. His father stands still, hands behind his back- a typical father stance - staring at his son with kind eyes. Always kind. Jackson doesn't deserve that kindness. 

"Soo Hyun kept some food for you." He hands out two boxes of takeout. Jackson accepts it with shaky hands murmuring a thank you, too ashamed of himself. 

"I also wanted to thank you." Jackson's hands halt mid air, his breath caught in his lungs. "Thank you for not being rude. You couldn't handle it so you stayed in here instead of creating a scene. I'm very grateful for that. And I'm sorry for forcing this on you."

It hurts Jackson. His father's concern hurts Jackson, so does his gratitude. Things that aren't supposed to hurt, hurt him. 

"I'm sorry, dad. I could've been better. I could've done better." His head hangs in shame. The door opens wider, Jackson stepping back, letting arms envelop him into a hug. 

"You're the best I'd ever have."

Jackson devours the food. They had ordered japchae and mandu. He is thankful that they ordered two full boxes. Jackson's stomach was growling at him. He ends up writing and practicing a few verses, finishing his homework and when there's nothing to do, he tries to sleep. It isn't easy though. His bed is a mess of pillows and sheets wound around him. Jackson lays in in, thinking of pretty eyes and plush lips. 

In some ways, Namjoon really is one of the most handsome men Jackson has ever seen. His skin is like liquid gold, so pure, so beautiful. His hair was so soft to hold when Jackson came on his tongue.

Water running in his bathroom brings him out of his pathetic thoughts. Before he can stop himself, he turns the knob to the bathroom-_shared bathroom_\- to see a pair of terrified eyes looking at him. Namjoon is clothed in his lower body, a pair of loose sweat pants covering everything. His upper half is pure sin. His caramel skin, tight chest, supple skin at his soft stomach, everything about him invites Jackson in. 

It shouldn't. 

Namjoon scrambles to grab a towel to cover himself like his dick wasn't in Jackson's mouth a few hours ago. Jackson should apologize and leave. Instead, dark thoughts fill his mind. 

_I'm sorry for ruining your happiness. _

_"_What kind of a person are you?" Namjoon winces at Jackson's tone.

"W-what do you mean? "

Blood boils under Jackson's skin, his head clouded with wrath. "You knew my name. You could've stopped this. What kind of a screwed up person does _that_ with someone?"

"I-"

"I mean, how fucked up are you? What you did is disgusting. You knew our parents were involved and _you still did that_." Jackson spits the last word as if saying it will make Jackson forget how Namjoon tasted on his tongue. Namjoon looks like he might cry. He blinks once, and then once again but doesn't respond. "Answer me you asshole!" Jackson growls. The boy flinches, a single drop of tear flows down his cheek. He whispers something and maybe Jackson is too far away or too mad to hear. He moves closer, anger bubbling inside his chest, burning his muscles, threatening to break him from inside. 

"What the fuck did you say?" Namjoon is a shell of a man. He shivers and even though he is taller than Jackson by a decent margin, Jackson holds an authority above him. "I-I didn't know. I found out that she fell in love with a man who asked to marry her a few days ago and I moved here, no questions asked. I just wanted to keep her happy. She's done everything for me." With that, Namjoon breaks down, sliding against the wall and sits on the floor, sobbing and for the hundredth time that day, Jackson feels like a piece of shit. 

He's been acting like it's a life altering thing for him- _and it is, in a way-_ but here's a boy who had to pick up his everything and move to a new place just because his mom fell in love and he did it without holding a grudge against her, unlike Jackson. He looks down at Namjoon sitting on the bathroom floor, hugging his legs, his head smushed between his knees, hiding his pained cries.

"Fuck. I'm sorry, Namjoon." Jackson's hand hovers around his shoulder, but he can't really touch him. He can't comfort him, can he? Not after what he's done. Not after how he's blamed him for something that he could've been blamed for, easily. Wasn't Jackson the one who dragged Namjoon to the staircase? "I'm just pissed at the whole situation and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." 

Namjoon looks up at him, the tip of his nose is red, as are his blood shot, watery eyes. He nods, biting his lower lip. "I would never do something like that intentionally. I was just trying to forget what was happening and you came along." Namjoon sniffs. Jackson sighs and sits with him on the floor.

"I'm sorry," Jackson repeats. "I just found out about it last night, you know? I didn't even get time to digest the news. I mean, all I wanted was to somehow track down Jungkook's cute cousin and my dad tells me his fiance and her son will be moving in." Namjoon chuckles at that and sniffs once more, his thumbs pressing at the edge of his eyes, stretching the skin, shutting his eyes completely.

"It's okay." He takes a deep breath. "It's not, actually. You behaved like a complete jerk, but I get it. I found out like 5 days ago. We moved here yesterday and I begged Jungkook to take me out to distract myself. Mum told me to not be out late, or else I would've done as you said." 

_Let me take you home. _

"You were like a breath of fresh air when everything around me was drowning me in. Like a ray of sunshine in the most violent storm."

"That's poetic." Namjoon's eyes crinkle in that smile and then he sighs. 

"I was so strung about everything that's been happening but I was grateful to have met you. I was even excited to know that we lived in the same building. But in the same apartment like this? Sucks." Namjoon's voice is small. It endears Jackson. 

"I guess we just move on from what happened. You didn't tell anybody, did you?" 

Namjoon shakes his head. "About yesterday? No. Neither about today. I thought I'll tell Jungkook but I didn't. It's my personal life. I just told him I had a drink with you and then he was outside with Yugyeom so he never saw us go to the bathroom." Even with as ridiculous as the situation is, Namjoon's cheeks turn pink at the memory. Jackson's stomach does that thing again.

"Maybe then we don't tell anybody. Even I didn't tell anyone, though my friends have an idea that I found you attractive last night. I can probably shrug it off." Namjoon nods, sucking on his lower lip. Jackson's mouth waters. 

Namjoon picks the towel absentmindedly to dab his tear-stained cheeks and Jackson's eyes trail to stare at the boy's pecks. The soft ends of the towel brush against one dusky nipple. Jackson licks his lips and he is sick of himself. What a fucking pervert. "Uh, I'll get going then. You can-" Jackson stands up awkwardly, looking at the ceiling. "I'm just gonna- Yeah, I'm leaving." Jackson stutters like a dumbass. He gets out of the bathroom before Namjoon can respond, or before Jackson does something maddeningly stupid and goes to bed.

The next morning, Jackson wakes up at 6 am to sneak out with his clothes and run for a while. He is one of those kinds, yeah, the ones who shove the pain deep inside instead of dealing with it. He quickly grabs a few clothing items, books, and toiletries, shoving them in his bag. Jaebum is the only one that he can trust at this point, who wouldn't ask him questions and just let him crash. For all the big talk he does about living in the moment and not caring, Jaebum belongs to rich parents who are never home. Jackson is all set to leave, his door doesn't betray him by creaking as he walks out, typing a message to his father, letting him know that he won't be back for a few days. His father will understand, he always does. 

"早上好, 杰克逊 " A soft voice halts him in his tracks. He looks up from his phone to see Namjoon's mom smile at him. She has a mat spread under her as she sits on it, hands stretched on top of her head.

"Morning, Ms. Kim." He replies in Korean, the strap from his bag slides down his shoulder. "Yoga?" 

She takes in a deep breath and nods. Her black hair falls on her forehead, just like it happens with Namjoon. "I lived in India for a year in my youth."

"You're young." It just slips out. Jackson bites his tongue. She smiles at him and _fuck_, why do they both have such kind smiles? 

"That's nice of you to say but we both know that isn't true." Her eyes wrinkle at the edges when she speaks. She grabs a rolled mat next to her and spreads it. "Come, join me." 

_No, thanks._

Easier thought than said. "Uh, I haven't really done it before. I run-"

"You can always try. We'll just do some breathing exercises." Belatedly, Jackson realizes he is a shit of a person. He was rude to her and denied her request last night to eat food with them. He sighs and walks towards her, his bag left behind him. "I'm sorry." He breathes out as he sits. It's a sorry excuse for an apology. How ironic. He shakes his head, getting it right this time. "I'm sorry I didn't join you yesterday. It's just been a bit much." 

Her left hand cups her right one in her lap, her back straightens. "It's okay, Jackson. Your father and I have been wrong to just spring this on you and Namjoon. My son is very obedient and does what I say but I know he isn't comfortable with the situation. You could've yelled at your father or at me, but you chose to leave and I respect that." Jackson doesn't meet her eyes. He can't really. 

"May I?" 

Her hands nervously float over his. He can give this much. For what he did yesterday, he can give her this much. He nods, his hands find hers.

Her cold fingers wrap at the back of his wrist and her thumbs rest on his pulse point. It is soothing. 

"Take a deep breath."

Jackson does as she says. He can give her this much. 

"You're breathing through your nose. Breathe as if your soul needs it." Jackson looks at her, puzzled, his breath still trapped in his lungs. "My soul doesn't need oxygen." His face heats up. She chuckles and Jackson isn't suffocated anymore.

"Let go! You're choking!" Her laugh is addictive. Jackson gets why his old man fell for her. Jackson breathes out.

"Your soul needs peace. Here, feel my heartbeat." She lets go of one of Jackson's wrists to guide his thumb to press at her wrist. It is faint but Jackson feels it. It throbs underneath the pad of Jackson's thumb. It makes him smile.

She makes him smile. "This way, our bodies say what our minds can't." Jackson smiles again, this time, with her.

"That's kind of poetic."

"I'm a poet's mother. Of course, I have it in me." Her heartbeat is calm, it calms Jackson. 

"Oh." That made sense.

_Like a ray of sunshine in the most violent storm. _

"Namjoon is a poet?" His name rolls of Jackson's tongue easily.

"He would never admit it but I'm his mother and I feel that he's there. He says he still needs to train. He wants to be a songwriter."

There is nothing to say. For Namjoon's mother, Jackson doesn't know him and at a moment where Jackson's brain isn't working with him, it's best to be quiet. So, he nods and looks at their hands.

She teaches him well. He fumbles sometimes to catch up but she is patient. Kindness never leaves her eyes. She doesn't talk much, save for telling him some random story about some asana. It is mostly easy, she goes slow. They end up sitting in the same position that they started. Her fingertips on Jackson's inner wrist are warm this time.

"Jackson." She stares at him.

"Yes, Ms. Kim?"

"Thank you. Thank you for accepting me and Namjoon in your home. You've shown more maturity than people your age- or even mine- are capable of. So, thank you."

Jackson unwraps his fingers from her wrists, letting go of her hands. He joins his palms in a thankful gesture. "Please don't thank me. I'm sorry for my behavior last night. I was anything but mature." She doesn't interrupt him. "I still need a little more time." 

She nods, a small smile at her lips. "I can understand." Her eyes shine. "Would you help me with making breakfast? Your father tells me you cook excellent Cantonese food." Jackson shies away from her gaze. "Of course. We could make some Gongzai noodles and yuenyeung" 

Her eyebrows shoot up in acknowledgment and she happily claps. "I'm excited!" Jackson smiles at her, standing up to walk towards the kitchen, his bag long forgotten on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 早上好, 杰克逊 means Good morning, Jackson in Mandarin.  
Please leave some kudos and comments if you liked this chapter.


	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation is tough but dealing is tougher. So, denial it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a chapter with 10K words ready but I felt I should do 5K now and then I'll polish the rest and upload it next month or so. I feel like this would have a lot of trigger warnings but there are barely any. Plus, You get to see more of the BTS gang in this :D
> 
> CW: Brief sexual relations between M/F.

“I’m moving to Korea.”

Mark didn’t look up from his phone. He had been lounging on his bed, scrolling through a webtoon he was reading. Jackson stared down at him, taking in the shape of his eyes, memorizing.

“Uh-huh?” Mark smirks, his eyes flitted towards Jackson once and his smile faltered. He noticed Jackson’s lack of smile and furrowed his brows.

“Oh, come on, Jack-Jack. Didn’t you tell me your dad has a girlfriend here?”

“She dumped him.” Jackson’s eyes didn’t leave Mark’s. “We’re moving to Korea tomorrow.” Jackson slumped on the bed, his head in his hands. Mark’s skinny arms were wrapped around him, holding on to Jackson and the moment, too afraid to let go.

“But I want you. I’m in love with you.” Mark’s voice was small, a whimper almost. “I love you, Jackson.”

Jackson sobbed quietly, already mourning the loss of love and youth. He was 15, he wasn’t sure if love was real but if it was, he was sure that he felt that for Mark.

He looked at Mark, his index finger nudged his chin and he pulled him closer. Their lips met for the last time, through tears and sorrow, they kissed each other. They kissed till they couldn’t breathe, till they memorized the way their tongues felt against one another, till it was time for Jackson to leave.

“I love you, Mark,” Jackson whispered against the fair skin of Mark’s neck. “You will always be my first love. I’ll love you till I have a head full of hair”

Mark chuckled, his tears shook as he laughed.

Two 15-year-olds had enough maturity to know that relationships at such a young age would barely stand the test of distance and time. There was no point in holding each other back. 

Mark nodded, the last few tears slipping from his eyes.

Jackson would never forget their shape.

  
  
  
  
...

“Namjoon and you would be going to the same school. I hope you’ll show him around.” Jackson’s father tells him. Jackson nods, eating his noodles. He sees Namjoon from the corner of his eyes, eating quietly. 

Pretty.

Namjoon catches him staring but Jackson looks away before it could mean something.

The weekend had been kind to Jackson. He stayed in his room, wrote, worked out, wrote more. He came out to prepare dinners and they all ate quietly, surrounded by awkwardness. Other than those times, he didn't see Namjoon. He heard him though, helping his mom in the kitchen sometimes or the faint sounds of soft music coming from his room. 

Jackson’s father stayed in his home office, his personal haven, in between constant calls and rustling papers. 

Jackson didn’t know what Ms. Kim did. 

Men made most of the noise, the only woman was quiet. 

How ironic. 

Generalisation is petty. Jackson doesn’t think more about it.

“Are you excited for your first day, Namjoon?” Mr. Wang tries, sighing at Jackson’s silence.

Namjoon’s voice is husky but too quiet for his - and Jackson’s - good.

“Yes, Mr. Wang. I’ve lived in Ilsan for 17 years so it’s different.” Jackson doesn’t look at him but he can sense Namjoon turning to his mother. Jackson gulps down the last bite quickly.

“I have to pack my bag. We have to leave in 5 minutes.” Jackson doesn’t even look at Namjoon, he just continues to pretend that there’s something important on his phone. He does remember his manners and bows in front of Ms. Kim and his father. 

“See you in the evening.” and they return smiles. 

He hears footsteps follow him, a small voice speaks, “Jackson.”

Jackson turns around to see Ms. Kim fidgeting with the hem of her blouse. 

He smiles at her. “Yes, ma’am.”

Jackson’s voice must have been welcoming, she looks relaxed. 

“How do you manage the food conditions here? I start work tomorrow and I thought we could take turns since your father tells me you do the cooking all the time.”

Jackson huffs out a laugh. “We have breakfast together, I usually cook a lot of lunch for dad and then come home after school and cook dinner. If I’m at my rap club, we reheat lunch and eat at different times.”

She nods, thinking pensively. “How about you make breakfast, I’ll cook lunch and we make dinner together? Of course, when you go for your rap group gatherings, it’ll be just Namjoon and I. My boy can help, he’s not much of a cook, though.” She admits sheepishly.

Jackson can’t help but think about how he’d like to cook for Namjoon. His big body must need a lot of food. He brushes away the thought as soon as it arrives.

“That’ll be good.”

She lingers, so Jackson feels she has something more to say.

“Ms. Kim?”

“Thank you for taking Namjoon with you. He is a bit shy and he takes time to open up to people. He won’t bother you for long.”

Jackson doesn’t understand the pang of guilt. Guilty about what? 

“It’s fine, Ms. Kim. I don’t mind it at all.” 

Lies.

Lies that flow more naturally than the truth. 

_ I mind. I mind it a lot. But, I’m not a monster and my father and you deserve better. _

Ms. Kim smiles at him, her hand rests lightly on Jackson’s cheek as she mouths another ‘thank you’.

  
  
  


The walk to the bus-stop is nothing short of awkward. Namjoon walks quietly, his hands nervously scratch at his elbows and he trips on his step twice in the 5-minute walk to the stop.

Jackson’s brain is much more scrambled than the eggs they had in the morning. He thinks about how to stay away from Namjoon and not take him down a different alley and push him against the wall. He could kiss him rough, his long fingers holding Namjoon’s face as he would take that lower lip and suck it, as he would paint his beautiful tanned skin with his mouth.

“Jackson!”

Jinyoung.

“Let me do the talking,” Jackson quickly whispers to Namjoon. Jinyoung is at a distance, far enough to spot Jackson, not Namjoon.

But how far would he stay? Jinyoung walks closer and Jackson wants to hide Namjoon behind him, make a run for it, do anything, but not look at the way Jinyoung’s eyebrows shoot up when he finally sees Namjoon.

“Hey, you’re Jungkook’s cousin, aren’t you?” His eyebrows furrow.

Jackson clears his throat.

“Jinyoung, this is Namjoon. Namjoon, Jinyoung, my friend.” 

Namjoon smiles politely, pure, and not practiced at all. “Nice to meet you, Jinyoung.”

Jackson sits with Jinyoung on the bus and Jinyoung goes from confused to understanding. 

“It’s a good thing that nothing happened between you two, then.” Jackson’s hands fist in his sweater.

“Uh-huh.”

Namjoon looks unperturbed, writing something in a prettily decorated diary.

“So, he’s your brother now.”

Jackson is quick to answer. “He isn’t my anything. His mother and my father are getting married.”

“Stepbrother, then.”

“Nothing.”

“Jackson, I get that you had a thing for him and you refuse to acknowledge it, but he will be known as your stepbrother according to the papers.”

Jackson takes in a deep breath as Ms. Kim taught him. He exhales through his mouth.”It doesn’t matter. I haven’t had time to deal with this.”

Jinyoung nods, “That’s fine. You’re fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll let the others know so that you don’t have to deal with the awkwardness of it all.” Jackson gives him a smile of gratitude. 

“Don’t worry.” Jinyoung repeats. 

And for once, Jackson doesn’t.

Jackson shows Namjoon around their school and helps him get acquainted with classrooms.

Both of them being born in 1994, fall into the same academic year. Namjoon excels in his academics, as witnessed by how he is enrolled in advanced placement in all classes except for music. Jackson has elected music as well and they will be sharing the class. 

Jinyoung sits with the rest of their friends during lunch, Jackson had promised to sit with Namjoon till he makes new friends. Belatedly, Jackson thinks he’ll regret the decision. He wants to regret it, but he doesn’t. His stomach flips when he sees Namjoon walk into the cafeteria alone. 

No surprises there.

Namjoon is an introvert, unlike Jackson. He keeps to himself and doesn’t speak unless spoken to. Namjoon spots Jackson at the far end of the cafeteria and his face lights up. 

Jackson’s stomach flips again, he should get used to it by now.

They haven’t been alone in a long time and based on the morning that they had together, Jackson doesn’t want any discomfort anymore. Jackson shoves the awkwardness away as soon as Namjoon sits and Namjoon seems to ease because of that.

“Hey,” Jackson initiates. “How is your day going so far?”

Namjoon doesn’t meet his eyes, just nods. “Alright. The teachers are good.”

They were. For someone who is as invested in studies as Namjoon, the teachers would be lovely. 

“Jackson,” The way Namjoon says his name makes Jackson want to kiss him then and there. His fingers curl into a fist below the table.

Jackson picks up his chopsticks and places them on his plate. “Hmm?”

Namjoon rests both his hands on the table. “Thank you for helping me. I won’t bother you after today. You can sit with your friends.”

_ I want to sit with you _ .

_ I want to be with you. _

“It’s not a problem. I’m happy to show you around. Moving is tough, I understand.”

Namjoon nods, then looks up, finally and smiles and Jackson is just  _ lost. _

Namjoon asks him more questions about the school and Jackson answers as normally as he can, considering his heart is threatening to burst out of his chest every time Namjoon laughs at something Jackson says.

Namjoon finishes his food quickly and starts writing down everything Jackson tells him. His brown hair brushes on his forehead, practically kissing it. Jackson is jealous of everything that gets to touch Namjoon while his hands lie helplessly on the table.

That is, until Namjoon moves his hand to grab the bottle of water and they make contact for the first time in what seems like ages, even though they had their cocks in each other’s mouths a few days ago.

Namjoon halts, his wrist touches the tip of Jackson’s forefinger. Jackson doesn’t pull back either. They both stare at each other, daring the other to make a move.

Electricity buzzes from the singular point on his forefinger where it touches Namjoon’s wrist. It makes him braver. He moves, brushes his finger across the smooth skin on the inside of Namjoon’s wrist to the back of his elbow.

Soft.

Namjoon gulps loudly, not breaking eye contact.

The bell mercifully blows, snapping them from the moment. Jackson’s hand flinches away as if touched by fire and Namjoon visibly winces.

Jackson picks his books and stalks out of the cafeteria before he does something he would regret.

  
  
  
  
  


The days fly past Jackson. He is thankful for Namjoon’s silence, for his presence, or lack of it. In school, he became fast friends with another tall and lean boy who dances well. He is always chirpy and Namjoon seems to laugh more with him. Jackson swallows the bitter pill and eats quietly with Jinyoung. 

"Jung Hoseok," One day Jinyoung tells him.

"Huh?"

"Since you're planning on holding some black magic ritual to get rid of the boy, I thought I'll tell you his name," Jinyoung says, shrugging.

"I don't care."

"Sure, you don't."

At home, Namjoon stays in his room as much as he can, plays soft music, laughs with his mother and talks with Jackson’s dad with respect. Apparently, they both have an affinity for poems and they hit it off very well. Jackson’s father comes home late but manages to spend an hour with Namjoon in his home office exchanging poetry and views.

Jackson feels ashamed to never know that side of his father but not surprised, since he has always been away from him, blaming his father for the instability in his life. He’s never spoken out about it, but he conceded his love and annoyance of the only constant person in his life. 

Outwardly, they all tolerate Jackson, he thinks. They don’t have to pretend long. Jackson is barely home. He manages to cook breakfast everyday and helps Ms. Kim cook dinner thrice a week. The Basement has become his second home, or maybe his first. He spends more time there than at his house. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, when The Basement is shut down, Jackson spends his evenings with Jaebum at his mansion, writing, writing, and writing some more. Jaebum admires Jackson’s persistence, unbeknownst to the reason behind it, and works with him. 

Jackson goes home late on those days but he does look forward to cooking with Namjoon’s mom. They teach each other recipes. Jackson starts taking an interest in Indian food which is so much different than what they eat normally. Namjoon’s mother is soft spoken, kind, and patient, things that Jackson thinks he isn’t. 

Of late, he realises that his jealousy over Namjoon and his father bonding is hypocritical. He never chose to take an interest in his father’s life due to his preconceived notions formed due to their constant travels. 

“Add coriander to it as garnish. A tiny bit, that’s too much,” Ms. Kim says.

Jackson nods, tearing off a piece with his bare hands and turning his wrist over the curry to sprinkle it, just like she taught him.

“Perfect. You learned this quickly.” She grins. Jackson grins back, the tips of his ears warm up.

  
  
  
  


Due to his increased attendance at The Basement, Jackson earns quite a reputation. He has men and women fawning over him all the time. They take him to their places, sometimes not even that. Sometimes The Basement is enough. They hook up and Jackson cums while caressing their golden skins or looking into their small eyes. It’s always the same. 

Jackson feels like he’s developed a type, or maybe he’s just always been like that. 

But he wasn’t. 

He didn’t always look for the same. He didn’t always look for men who were significantly taller than him or women who were submissive and shy, who would barely meet his eyes. Jackson never had a type, until he suddenly did.

Jackson performs with Danger but does solo work too. Yugyeom and Jaebum helped him with the intricacies of Korean language. The younger boy was gifted in rhyming and JB had a way with flow that was unmatched. He tried doing more solo acts, sometimes he did well, sometimes he got beaten. The lowest he ever got was the time he got booed off stage. His opponent, a blonde man with sleepy eyes and fair skin, smirked at him. Jackson didn’t mind. He knew he wasn’t perfect. He respected the other man’s talent and left the stage.

“You did well up there.” Jackson hears someone standing next to him. He looks up from his phone and turns to the man sitting next to him. Apart from the growl that was missing from his normal voice, his opponent, who humiliated him on stage, is a tiny man. 

He’s taller than Jackson, he’s still tiny. His clothes are too loose and he shrivels inside them but his face is smug and full of pride that doesn’t cross to arrogance. He is a paradox, Jackson decides.

“Thanks. I don’t have to compliment you. The audience did that for me.” Jackson retorts.

The man’s laugh is a cute mix of a chuckle and sigh. Jackson isn’t sure whether he should admire the man or endear him. He goes with admiration for now.

“I’m Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” He offers a hand.

Jackson shakes it once, firm. “Jackson Wang.”

“Chinese?”

“Yeah.”

“Born and raised?”

“Born. Raised in a lot of places around Asia.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “Then, I’d say you did very well.”

That amuses Jackson. “You always perform solo?”

“Yup. You?”

“Both. I have a group. It’s 4 of us.”

Talking to Yoongi feels like inhaling a breath of fresh air. Yoongi is funny without meaning to be. His sarcasm hits, but in a way that makes Jackson realize things. He doesn’t laugh much and when Jackson introduces him to the rest of his group, Jackson is hit with the fact that Yoongi is strikingly similar to Jaebum. Maybe he has a type with friends too. 

As it turns out, Yoongi takes a liking to the environment of The Basement. Jackson sees him observing other performers. He is that type, the silent, observing ones. He keeps writing a lot in his book. It reminds Jackson of Namjoon. The first time he sees Yoongi write, his book decorated, much like Namjoon’s, he is taken to a different place.

He fucks a girl in the bathroom, her smooth legs wrapped around Jackson’s waist, her whines sound all pretty in Jackson’s ears. He looks into her eyes, asks her to keep them open throughout. Her eyes widen in surprise and Jackson cums at the sight. 

A few days later, Yoongi lets him read one page from his book. His words dance on their own, a beat automatically forms in Jackson’s head. The writing is about the hesitance of accepting love, of letting someone go, someone that Yoongi shouldn’t have let go. Jackson doesn’t ask, Yoongi tells him anyway. He never mentions who it is. But it is someone that Yoongi loved dearly and regrets never telling them. That’s more than enough for Jackson. He gets a glimpse of Yoongi’s soul, something that most people haven’t had a chance to see. Jackson never sees Yoongi outside of The Basement. It’s fine. Jackson gets what he wants, the company. A stranger who doesn’t ask questions, who lets him be, who doesn’t remind him of caramel skin and small eyes. Jackson stops reading Yoongi’s words about his person. That is the only thing that bugs him. The words are too familiar, even though they are new. Jackson feels he can do better without them, his head won’t hurt so much.

  
  
  


Sundays are reserved for yoga with Ms. Kim. 

Jackson looks forward to them, for the quiet and peace of her voice to take him away. Jackson didn't even realise when it became a regular activity of theirs, just that he didn’t want to stop. 

Maybe she couldn’t be his mother but she could be the presence of a woman that Jackson has been missing since his childhood. Admittedly, not everybody requires it, but Jackson realizes that he does. Her kind eyes are familiar, passed on to someone. Someone that smiles at him kindly, the way she does. The smile that Jackson avoids at breakfast. Ms. Kim suggests that he try guided meditation to relieve stress and clear his thoughts and Jackson agrees in an instant. 

He shouldn’t have. 

His thoughts clear and the interest to run to the bedroom behind the closed door with soft music playing inside, goes away, as he follows her voice. His breathing slows to an impossible level as he sinks deeper, lets the darkness take him away. It feels freeing, letting go feels freeing. 

He swims into nothingness, following her voice, letting it expose him to a space of possibilities. Her voice changes to something lovelier, but faint, something of the past. A voice he had not heard in years. 

_ Take care of Jackson _ . That’s the last thing he had heard the voice say. But the voice has a face now and she tells Jackson that she is happy to see him happy. Jackson’s happiness is all that matters to her.

His chest tightens at her words, threatening to drown him in. He thrashes around, tries to come back up, searches for the previous voice. But all he finds is white noise and the face he thought he had forgotten.

_ Mom loves you, Jackson.  _ Her whisper still sounds the same.

There are hands wrapped around him, shushing him, holding him close. A small figure tells him it’s okay and Jackson feels tears run down his cheeks, his nose clogged. He opens his eyes to see pretty small ones staring at him with concern.

“Have some water.” It’s Namjoon, leaning down to meet his height on the floor, a glass in his hand.

Ms. Kim has her body wrapped around Jackson’s torso. She lets go when she feels Jackson regain his consciousness. He immediately holds her hands and with much sincerity that makes through his voice he says, “Thank you.”

She apologizes to him, tells him that making him suffer wasn’t her intention. 

But he didn’t really suffer. He experienced -- something. He doesn’t know what to call it. 

“No, no. Thank you. M-mom, I saw her. I saw my mom.” Jackson whispers. 

Ms. Kim nods appreciatively.

“She-she, I miss her. I saw  _ ma _ . Thank you,” He breathes once, “Thank you, auntie.”

Her eyes widen at that, at the small token of acceptance from Jackson and he averts his gaze to the floor.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m glad I could be of some help.”

Jackson takes the glass from Namjoon and thanks him, avoiding eye contact. Once was fine, he didn’t need more.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything, he leaves as quietly as he had come, jabbing Jackson sharply in his chest with the soft falls of his footsteps.

  
  
  
  
  


Jackson’s birthday falls on a school day, luckily. He wakes up way too early and cooks breakfast quietly. Writing a note and sticking it to the fridge, he opens the main door of the house to step out. As he swings to shut the door, his eyes fall upon the door of the bedroom next to his as it opens, a head of dark brown hair peeking out, and Jackson is quick to leave.

Later, his father calls him and wishes him a happy birthday and asks him about his plans. Jackson doesn’t have any. He knows Jaebum wouldn’t let any of his friends plan anything. He has seen Jackson struggle internally but never bothered commenting.

_ What you don’t wish to share, you don’t have to _ .

Some part of Jackson’s brain tells him that maybe Jaebum didn’t buy the story Jinyoung told them. Maybe he knew Jackson had lied. None of them spoke about it. But Jaebum wasn’t the one to talk about it unless Jackson took the first step. 

Jackson planned to run off to The Basement as usual and avoid his father’s hurt eyes later. Wouldn’t see them if he goes late, right?

But then Ms. Kim messaged him and his knees buckled.

  
  


**Ms. Kim**

**Ms. Kim [13:45]:**

Jackson, dear, wishing you a very happy birthday. I hope you achieve all the success, my little hardworker.

**me [13:46]:**

Thank you, Auntie.

**Ms. Kim [13:47]:**

Your father tells me that you aren’t fond of parties, so I did not plan anything. I made dimsums and carbonara pasta for you. If you come early, maybe we could eat together and celebrate your birthday. If you come late, please reheat it.

Have a nice day :)

Jackson could ignore that as well but he felt like he had fulfilled his quota of being an asshole for the day by running away in the morning. So, he slotted his keys inside the keyhole and opened the door expecting a usually empty house. 

This time, he faces three people, people who had every right to ignore him, the way he did. Instead he is met with two genuine smiles and one nervous gaze.

“Happy birthday, my son.” His father is the first one to say, all smiles. Jackson’s gaze hasn’t left Namjoon but he turns to his father, nevertheless, forcing himself to look away. His father walks closer, enveloping Jackson in a hug.

Warmth.

When his father pulls back, Jackson holds him closer, wanting a little bit more.

“Thank you, dad.” Jackson whispers. He feels his father nod, his chest vibrates with a silent chuckle, before Jackson lets go.

“Here, this is for you.” He hands Jackson an envelope. Something Jackson never expected lies inside.

“Taiwan?”

His father chuckles again. “Yeah, I know you miss it so I thought you could visit with a friend or something. You can take your old man as well.” 

The corner of his father’s eye crinkles as he winks. His curly hair falls on his forehead and Jackson thinks how much his father aged before his eyes. He never really noticed.

“Thank you,” Jackson says, hugs him again.

“Happy birthday, Jackson.” Jackson smiles as he hears her soft voice. He came for her, there’s no way he would not hug her today.

It surprises her but her arms wrap around Jackson immediately.

Warmth. So much of it.

“Thank you, auntie.”

She hands him a book,  _ This is from Namjoon _ , and a rolled-up tube like something that is wrapped. He glances at the silent boy standing a few feet behind his mother and nods. Namjoon gives him a small smile. “I don’t know what you fancy. But I believe you’d like this.”

Namjoon’s voice is a paradox on its own, small but husky.

_ I like you _

Jackson looks down at the title-  _ The way I am _ \- and nods again. “I was planning on buying this. I do love Eminem. Thanks, Namjoon.” 

Jackson acts like the book doesn’t weigh a million kgs and keeps it aside and holds the wrapped present firmly. 

An old conversation with the sweet lady hits his head and Jackson sucks in a surprised breath.

“You didn’t!” Jackson exclaims.

Jackson feels like a child but she looks as excited as him.

“I did!”

With the eagerness of a 5-year-old on Christmas, Jackson unwraps the present. Inside lies a personalized yoga mat and a note.

_ So that you continue, even when you feel like you cannot _

Jackson feels happiness bubble up his throat. It scares him, he’s never felt the pull. He’s never had a stable relationship with a mother figure.

He’s never had a mother-figure.

“I will continue. I will.” Jackson adds. Maybe a part of it was meant for himself as well.

Jackson’s father stands next to her and nudges her at her side. She gives him a look, shaking her head.

“What is it?” Jackson asks.

“Soo Hyun-ah, it’s okay, he won’t mind.”

Jackson’s curiosity peaks.

“What is it?” He repeats with furrowed brows.

She looks scared, she shouldn’t be. Jackson might be a horrible person but he would never hurt her.

She walks painfully slow to the dining table and picks up a small box. Jackson can expect what might be in it but he doesn’t want to assume.

“This belonged to my grandfather. I have one from my other grandfather that I gave to Namjoon when he turned 17. This is for you.” She opens the box, showing a beautiful silver band. “Not very extravagant but it holds an emotional bond.”

Jackson’s throat constricts with unsaid emotions. Tears fall on the box, ruining the perfect velvet.

“I-I can’t take this.” Jackson’s voice comes out broken, unknown, even to himself. “I’m not worth it.”

“You’re worth everything, sweetheart.”

Jackson’s father puts a hand on his shoulder. “Take it,” He nudges.

Ms. Kim gets the ring from the box and takes Jackson’s hand.

“May I?” She asks.

Unable to say anything, Jackson simply nods.

The ring fits perfectly, as if it was made for him. Too much of a coincidence.

“We got it fit according to your size.” Jackson’s father adds.

What can he even say? 

“I know I can never be her. I don’t wish to be. All I want is for you to be okay with that fact that I have fallen in love with your father and- and by some dumb stroke of luck, he loves me as well. I may not be your mother but I have a son to love and I will try my best to love you the same.” That stings.

_ I don’t want you to love me like your son. _

“Also, you took care of this man. You fed him and cared for him and loved him. I am grateful for that, Jackson.”

They really did give Jackson more credit than was due. His relationship with his father was not black or white. He was allowed to love him and get annoyed at him at the same time. 

“You should know that this means a lot.” For once, Jackson speaks with the lump in his throat but doesn’t stutter. “Thank you. Thank you for being in his life.”

She chuckles, one hand around her fiance’s waist. 

Jackson’s father leans to kiss her on the forehead. “There is no luck. I love you because you’re you.”

For once, Jackson doesn’t mind seeing him this way, happy with someone else. Someone who isn’t his mother.

It makes him happy and he lets himself be happy.

  
  
  


Jackson changes into casual clothes to leave for The Basement. Yoongi was supposed to be there today as well. Jackson had packed a big chunk of the cake. He seemed silly doing it but he wanted to give it to his friends. 

He thought about how he never had the satisfaction of watching his friends eat a cake that belonged to him.

There is a knock on the door of Jackson’s bathroom, from the inside. Jackson feels his heart twist inside his chest.

Namjoon stands with a hand behind his back, the other one holding the door knob.

“I had something else for you.” He admits, shy or nervous, Jackson can’t tell.

Jackson does his best to keep his expressions neutral as he watches Namjoon scratch behind his ear. “What did you have?”

Namjoon shows him an upside-down photo frame, roughly the size of a notebook. “This. I couldn’t give it in front of them.”

Jackson takes the square and turns it around. Inside lies a picture of him rapping on stage, the veins in his neck stretched as his mouths something.

Not any random picture.

It is from the night they first met. 

“Wow.” Jackson traces the outline of his body with the tip of his finger. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay, sometimes not saying something says a lot.”

Jackson looks up to see Namjoon smile.

He seems to lose it every time he does that. 

“I hope it doesn’t seem stalkerish. I found you cute so I took a picture.”

“Well, if nothing else, I have my first fansite.” Namjoon laughs loudly at that, stumbling on his feet, catching Jackson’s shoulders for support.

“Sorry,” Namjoon murmurs but Jackson doesn’t hear him.

His gaze drifts over Namjoon’s face, from the hair that falls on his forehead to his wide open eyes, his slender nose, his flushed cheeks, his plump mouth, the curve of his neck, the laryngeal prominence bobbing as Namjoon gulps.

That’s when Jackson’s eyes fall back on Namjoon’s, lifting a hand to touch everything his eyes touched, only this time, with his hands. 

Namjoon shivers when Jackson’s skin makes contact with his. Jackson feels his touch burn everytime Namjoon breathes and his finger dips lower and lower till he reaches his neck.

Jackson stares for a long moment before cupping the back of Namjoon’s neck, about to pull him closer. Namjoon lifts a hand to place it on the side of Jackson’s face.

Namjoon’s warm hand contrasts the cool band of metal on Namjoon’s finger.

Namjoon’s ring, identical to Jackson’s.

_ I may not be your mother but I have a son to love and I will try my best to love you the same. _

Jackson snaps out of it. He moves away in an instant, watches Namjoon’s face contort in hurt and rejection.

He doesn’t stop.

He picks up his bag and leaves, slamming the door behind him.   
  
  
  
  


Jackson doesn’t talk to anybody as soon as he enters The Basement. He dumps his bag near JB, who is napping on the couch and walks out to enroll in the solo faceoff. JB runs after him, wishing him but not saying anything else. Jackson thanks him and asks him to eat the cake but leave some for Yoongi. 

Jackson’s mood gets distracted when the others arrive. Yoongi gives him a mixtape that he made which comprises his favorite rappers and the members of Danger give him an expensive jacket. Jackson pouts at how he isn’t into the custom of gift-giving but appreciates it nonetheless. 

In the back of his mind, Namjoon persists. Jackson doesn’t understand why it is so hard to resist him, whether it is because he is a forbidden fruit now. Jackson can’t be with him, nor can he touch him the way he wants to.

**Namjoon ** **🖤**

**Namjoon ** **🖤** ** [20:45]:**

Don’t touch me if you’re just gonna keep leaving me alone.

**Namjoon ** **🖤** ** [20:45]:**

I’m not a toy meant for you to play with.

There’s adrenaline pumped into Jackson, mixed with lust and regret. He doesn’t understand how to separate his emotions anymore. He wishes Namjoon’s mother was a terrible person. It wouldn’t hurt to betray her then, wouldn’t cause pain to just take Namjoon the way he wants.

But then his father would be hurt and he’d have to leave Seoul. Neither is Jackson the kind of person to break someone’s trust, no matter how terrible they were.

Jackson wants to get away from this, run away, and never come back. The images of Namjoon’s eyes, his lips, his neck, don’t leave Jackson’s mind. 

He grabs the mic and destroys his opponent without a single glance towards him and stalks off the stage, much like the day he first met Namjoon. His behaviour might have raised his friends' concern but his rage is beyond recognition. His attention is grabbed by eyes wide open with surprise. A slender nose compliments the caramel skin. Plump lips smile at him as the girl sips beer from a glass.

Fuck  Déjà vu. 

Jackson doesn’t hold himself back this time.

“Hey, I saw you perform. You were really good.” Looks Korean, speaks english.

_ Pretty. _

_ Pretty just like him. _

“Thanks.” Jackson huffs out.

“I’m June.”

_ Joon. _

“Jackson.”

“You wanna get out of here, Jackson?”

“Sure, Joon.”

A new bed, a new body.

Anything to get him out yet be with him.

Jackson kisses the golden skin of her navel, strokes the curve of her thighs, and drinks her moans.

Every time Jackson does something that’s different, it makes her small eyes open wide.

She keeps telling Jackson how good she feels, how many times she’s orgasmed.

Jackson doesn’t let himself go, doesn’t cum at all.

Until.

“Jackson, baby, June wants you to cum.”

And he does. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bts_ot7aus?s=17)   
[Curious Cat](https://t.co/1Xb5DpXccN?amp=1)


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